UTR Talks with Author, Petrell Marie Özbay

September 21, 2015

United Through Reading recently had the privilege of sitting down with award-winning author, Petrell Marie Özbay, who wrote Xs and Os for Gabby Ann. Petrell wrote the book to help her kids cope when their father was away. The story is about the powerful spirit of a parent’s love that can overcome separation; it provides an imaginative solution to alleviate the child’s anxiety stemming from a parent’s absence.

The story is perfect for United Through Reading families, of course, and seeing this, Petrell’s Uncle, Retired Navy Captain Carl F. Asseff  donated 100 children’s books to the United Through Reading program. The copies of the book, published in May 2015, were given to the Truman Strike Group to include USS Harry S. Truman (CVN 75), USS Gravely (DDG 107) and USS Gonzalez (DDG 66).

We thoroughly enjoyed our time getting to know Petrell and hearing her honest and real life story of raising her two kids in the face of family separation. We’re pleased to share our conversation with you, and hope that her practical encouragement is as much a treat for you as it was for us.

United Through Reading (UTR): Why did you write Xs and Os?

Petrell Marie Özbay (PMO): From the time I was born until I went to college, my dad, a graduate of King’s Point, the U.S. Merchant Marine Academy, was gone at least half the year (in a private sector job). I always had a sense he loved us very much. But when I was very young, I recall not quite understanding how far away he was or if he knew how much we loved him. My own children (ages 3 and 6) are in a similar situation. When my daughter was born, I began noodling a story to help children understand that the powerful spirit of a parent’s love can overcome distance. I wanted to help alleviate the anxiety stemming from a parent being gone.

UTR: What gave you the idea to highlight the journey of a father’s hugs and kisses?

PMO: When tucking my daughter in at night, I’d always give her an extra hug and kiss and say they were a special  delivery from Dad. When she was much younger, every time she saw an airplane, she’d ask if Daddy was coming home. Once, she asked if the extra hug and kiss I gave her came by airplane. The lightbulb went on. It’s really a pretty simple concept. People have been blowing hugs and kisses to each other forever. So, I simply stopped to think about how those hugs and kisses might get from point A to B. And so the story began.

UTR: Tell us about Gabby Ann. Was it your daughter who inspired the character in the book?

PMO: While the fundamental idea was born from my daughter’s question, Gabby Ann really represents any child, both boys and girls, separated from one or maybe even both parents at bedtime. She’s like all kids who stall at bedtime and ask for one more kiss. She’s like all kids who go to bed waiting and wondering if they will get what they want most. She’s like all kids who come out of bed at night asking for this or that. Bear was a nod to my son, who has become the book’s Superfan.  

UTR: Tell us a bit more about your personal experience with family separation.

PMO: Growing up, I never thought of it as being terribly out of the ordinary, which is a huge testament to my mom. It’s just how things were. Certainly it shaped our life, but it didn’t define us. However, I remember wishing both my parents could be at some of my events, especially when there were groups of parents around. So, I’m very cognizant of how my own children feel, and I try to remind them of the good in our situation.

Without sounding dramatic, I recently noticed a dad join his family for lunch, greeting them each with a kiss. My daughter, who misses nothing, was taking this in. The wistful expression on her face spoke volumes. It reminded her of her father’s love and that when he’s home, he’s able to spend a lot of extra time with her – making school runs, eating early dinners with us, and going to all her events. We try to recognize we have limited time together and make the most of that time.

UTR: Petrell, if you could give parents who are separated from their kids one piece of advice what would it be?

PMO: Wow…there are so many things. Here’s a basic but good reminder: Do not dwell on the fact that the parent is not there, and try not to feel guilty. Sadness and guilt cannot be the focus. You will do a disservice to your kids. The situation is what it is. It’s often unavoidable. Don’t sugar coat the circumstances. Okay…so one parent can rarely make it to the recital or soccer game or whatever it is, but you can create other unique ways to bond. For example, every time my kids find a cool seashell, they put it away to show their dad when he’s home. It’s a small thing, but they love it, and then they enjoy looking for shells with him when he’s home. My son, at the moment, is trying his best to catch a lizard to show his dad upon return. I’m going with the flow and hoping the lizard is quicker than he is. And, oh by the way, the parent at home should always remember that, try as they might, they really can’t do it all. Impossible. Stop trying. Not good for anybody. Been there. Done that. Doesn’t work so well.

UTR: Is there anything else special that you would like to share about your book?

PMO: Yes! The book gives 10% of the net profit back to the National Military Family Association’s Operation Purple Camp Programs. While the book is still new, I’m hopeful down the road, it can make a difference, even a small one, for some very deserving kids. I know the stress that can come with this type of family situation. I have nothing but respect for the families who have the anxiety of a loved one in harm’s way added to the equation. I think the concept of these fun camp programs is just wonderful.  

I can’t tell you how rewarding it’s been to read reviews or hear from military families about how they have enjoyed the book. It’s very humbling, and I’m so glad it can make a positive difference, even for just fifteen minutes at bedtime. I’m grateful United Through Reading is giving me this opportunity to share the book. I’m also grateful my uncle, CAPT Carl F. Asseff, MC, USN (RET) has donated 100 books to United Through Reading. Enjoy the book, and thank you for all you do and the sacrifices your entire family makes. XO.  

About Petrell Marie Özbay:
Petrell says her two clever and inspiring children keep her smiling through the chaos and busy searching for seashells, garden fairies and geckos. She created her story to simply help parents, regardless of their whereabouts and personal situation, bring children a goodnight hug and kiss. She hopes any child who reads this story will feel a little more ease at bedtime knowing that a parent’s love will always find them.

To learn more about Petrell’s book visit her website at www.xandobook.com. The book is available on Amazon and through Barnes & Noble as well as other retailers. Also, like the book on Facebook at www.facebook.com/xandobook or follow on Twitter at @xandobook.